How many times have you tried to convince your child to do something, but they don’t comply until it becomes their idea.

Then they are ALL about it?

It’s happened so many times with my kids. The one that pops in my head the most is when we were trying to get our 15 month old to walk. We tried all of the tricks and suggestions, but it wasn’t until we stopped trying, that she decided FOR HERSELF that she was going to learn how to walk. You see, our agenda was to get her to walk before her baby sister was born. But, her agenda was to use this opportunity to build her independence.

And it was even more exciting to watch her walk, knowing it was on HER timing, not ours.

There was a bounce in her step.

Her confidence was impressive and she was so proud of herself.

She ‘owned’ her learning.

They own their own learning when we let them figure out how they learn

I’m not saying we shouldn’t guide them.

We should. They need us to.

But, how about if we do it in a way that they feel like they are in control?

Children LOVE control.

As a parent, I find it so difficult to let go and let them figure things out on their own. I want them to be a mini-me, while I micromanage their life. But, when you figure something out on your own, with your own thoughts, trials and error, you truly OWN it.

Let them own it.

Here’s how.

1) Empower them to think of what works

• Ask the right questions. Ask questions that have open-ended answers, rather than yes/no answers. The best ‘questions’ I have found to be do not have question marks, but rather they are about life stories and experiences. Tell me a story about when you truly enjoyed reading or learning at school (or home). Describe a time when you had comfortable feelings about learning.

• Ask what they need. Ask, “How can we make that happen at home?”

• Emulate that at home. Gather your tools to help create that same environment in which worked during their experience.

Some, unfortunately, have never had a positive experience learning.

You can still let them figure it out.

2) Experiment with how they learn

• Is it a quiet or steady sound environment or do they need music in the background? Even though you were told as a child to turn off background sound, doesn’t mean that’s the sole way of learning. Try both ways.

• Is their body in a fixed or flexible position? Do they need to sit in a chair at a table? Do they need to lay on their belly on the floor with a clipboard? On the couch with a lap desk? In a comfortable recliner with a computer? Try all combinations.

• Are they using a specific sense or multiple senses together? Do they need a hands-on experience with objects to understand? Do they need to hear someone explain it to understand? Do they need to write or draw to understand? Do they need to explain it back to you in order to understand? Do they need to see someone else do it first to understand? Try each AND THEN try combinations of each.

“I continue to believe that if children are given the necessary tools to succeed, they will succeed beyond their wildest dreams!”- David Vitter

3) Provide plenty of time to try each way

Just like we need lots of time to see if things work for us, children need time too.

• Pick a way and try it for at least 2-3 learning sessions.

• Observe your child as they are doing their work. Look at their focus. Tally the distractions. Write notes about how they are working.

• Share and discuss the things you saw by asking questions (remember we want your child to own this). Describe how your body and brain feels. Was it a comfortable or uncomfortable feeling? If you tallied more than 2 distractions, ask, Talk about any distractions you might’ve had. Be the teacher and teach me what you were learning about. (This assesses their actual learning comprehension.)

4) Build Their Character

Ultimately, each day as a parent we strive to build character in our child.

We want them to eventually be independent, responsible, empowered adults.

They are never too young to lead themselves to that. Providing them the tools they need and guiding them to ask themselves what they need creates empowerment.

Now, let’s go empower the next generation. You can do this!

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” - Denis Waitley